if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
