She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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