I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
