yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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