I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
