Acid is not a monday night drug
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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