So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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