I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize