His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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