the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
