umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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