What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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