it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He did a backflip because drugs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
