I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
