Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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