Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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