corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
