I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
