They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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