The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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