I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
