dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
