Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
