im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
