Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
