I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
