I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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