Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
