i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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