Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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