Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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