does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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