She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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