Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
