oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
