He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
