Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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