how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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