My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
