a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
