speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
