If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
