the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
jump out the window naked night went bad
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
