Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
