i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
