all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
