STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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