I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
