i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
