I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
