"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
