Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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