Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
