R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
