mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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