she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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