Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
