i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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