but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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