Since when is my name a synonym for head?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry about my life...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
