pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
