It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
