Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
