Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
